The Birthplace of Love and Belonging

Dear Younger Me,

I’ve been writing about the importance of being committed to a local church. And to do that, you must be “BRAVE.” That acronym stands for:

• Belonging
• Responsibility
• Availability
• Vulnerability
• Encouragement

Today, I want to explain the importance of vulnerability in any relationship, especially in the context of a church community. Much has been written about the need for psychological safety in relational environments. How do we create this loving and caring authentic environment? It has to start with vulnerability.

Vulnerability is letting your guard down and putting yourself out there for others to see. Being vulnerable exposes you to potential judgment and rejection. True, but it also allows people to see and embrace you truly.

That’s the paradox of vulnerability. Sure, opening yourself up to others allows for the potential of being hurt, but it also allows others to see and embrace your authentic self truly.

The Apostle Paul models vulnerability in the authentic way he shows up in the Christian community. He writes to the Thessalonians,

“Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.” (1 Thessalonians 2:8)

This is a perfect example of what vulnerability should look like in the church. When we come together, we are not only sharing Christ with one another, but we are also sharing ourselves. We are doing life together.

In 2 Corinthians 6:11–13, the Apostle Paul urges the Christians in Corinth to follow his example and reciprocate his vulnerability by opening their hearts towards him. He writes,

11 We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. 12 We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. 13 As a fair exchange — I speak as to my children — open wide your hearts also. (2 Corinthians 6:11–13)

I want to insert two quotes that sum up the importance of being vulnerable better than I ever could. Researcher and author Brene Brown writes,

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

Pastor Rick Warren writes that,

“Pretentiousness repels, but authenticity attracts, and vulnerability is the pathway to intimacy.”

I couldn’t have said it any better. Vulnerability is the path toward meaningful relationships. Unfortunately, the church has become known as an increasingly unsafe place to be vulnerable and to let your guard down. For many Christians, the local church is where they feel most judged, misunderstood, marginalized, and uncared for. To me, that is heartbreaking. I can only imagine how that makes our Lord Jesus feel.

Being vulnerable is difficult. And being the first person to initiate vulnerability is even more difficult. And with most difficult things, it takes courageous leadership to set the example and point the way. That’s your assignment. You need to lead the way in being vulnerable. You need to let your guard down, risk rejection, and show up fully so people can see what genuine authenticity looks like.

You need to be the one to blaze the trail here. Set for them a model of what an authentic community looks like. Because the people who follow you “can’t be it until they see it.”

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “People won’t accept me if they knew the real me.” That thought is not only untrue but is also unhealthy. It is holding you back from experiencing deep and caring relationships.

The reality is that the more you show up as your authentic self and let people see you “warts and all,” the more they will lovingly embrace you. The truth is that everyone is trying to hide their warts from people for fear of judgment or rejection. So they hide their true self. Because you are both hiding your authentic selves, you can never truly connect.

Deep connection can only occur when one brave person signals to everyone else that it is safe to be yourself by first being vulnerable to the group. Your ability to be vulnerable will become the catalyst for creating an environment of love, belonging, and authenticity. I know that going first is hard. That’s why you need to be brave.

And remember, the greatest gift you can give the church is not your gifts or your effort but the gift of your transformed and transforming presence in the community.

Just trust me,

Your Future Self